I hated the births of my children.

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My greatest accomplishments in this world are my boys, Jesse and Kayden. The day that each of them were born is forever infused in my mind, but there is one large part of each of their births that I have always wished that I could change. My children were both born by C-section.
I went into labor with Jesse in the early morning before he was due and finally went to the hospital that night around 8PM. I performed the usual task of walking the hallways and was given something to help me sleep. By this time, I was only about 2-3 centimeters dilated. The next morning brought excruciating pain. My water was broken and Pitocin was given to move along my labor, but I was not budging past 6 centimeters. I hadn’t had an epidural so I was literally delusional with pain. I was begging for a C-section by this point, and I couldn’t even see straight when I signed my name on the paperwork.
Jesse was born at 2:57PM on March 12, 2006. He was 8 pounds, 9 ounces and 21 inches long. He didn’t cry right away, and I was terrified that he hadn’t made it. When he finally did cry, I saw him for just a moment before he was whisked away to oxygen for an hour. Jesse made it through just fine, but I was in horrible pain and unable to fully enjoy him after the birth. I knew that I never wanted to relive that terrible experience again and vowed to have a VBAC next time.
When I became pregnant with Kayden, I checked every avenue that I could in order to deliver him naturally. I wanted to experience both labor and delivery and feel that I was able to bring him into the world in the way that my body was made to. I was given countless promises, only to find out that the doctors were not comfortable delivering a baby in this manner with my size. I was told that there was a good chance that I would have another large baby and that I would be too small to deliver him.
After hearing horror story after horror story and being let down time and time again, I finally made the reluctant decision to schedule Kayden’s C-section. We decided on February 10, 2009, 4 days before Kayden’s due date. The C-section was delayed that day, and I spent hours of discomfort waiting in a hospital bed. The C-section itself made me nauseous and shaky, but Kayden was nonetheless brought into this world at 1:59PM that day. He weighed 7 pounds, 9 ounces and was 21 ½ inches long. He was positioned face up, and I was told that this would have been an impossible natural delivery for me.
Kayden immediately had issues with acid reflux. He was later diagnosed with a milk protein allergy, and we had to purchase prescription formula for him. He was a miserable baby, who cried and spit up all the time. In addition to this, I never gained back feeling from my belly button down to my C-section scar. My doctor said that nerves must have been cut in the process of the surgery and that there wasn’t much that could be done to fix the problem.
After Kayden, Quentin and I decided to cease having children. Though there were other factors involved, a large part of this was the method in which both boys were delivered. I am so very grateful to have them here, and I wouldn’t give them up for the world…but I will never be okay with the way that they were brought into it.

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