Rules of the Engagement


This morning, I planned an entirely different blog post than I feel I need to write tonight. You know those moments when you hold back form expressing yourself to “loved ones” because it’s frowned upon? You’re expected to suck it up and deal with whatever is chewing away at your thoughts. Well, I am through with that today.
We live in a world that feeds off from competition and making every event large. Specifically, an engagement has become a giant event that is expected to be nothing less of spectacular. So, here’s the part that drives me insane:
When Quentin and I became engaged, I picked out my ring. That was the event. I had a son from a previous marriage and was pregnant with our own biological child. We didn’t love each other any less, and we deserved congratulations just the same. I posted pictures of the ring on Facebook, and that was it. I got a few congratulations, and the event was over.
My sister, however, has been on the hunt for a ring on her finger for months now. She has posted numerous pictures of engagement rings on Facebook, made it clear that she wants a ring on her finger to move in with her boyfriend, and even asked me how much our parents will pay toward a wedding. Low and behold, her boyfriend proposed to her during a Tough Mudder race that she participated in last weekend.
One would have thought that this came out of nowhere. Picture after picture was posted, by her as well as others. Albums were made; congratulations were given; and my sister expressed how “shocked” she was about the entire thing. Not only did she post to her wall, but also that of the running group she participates in and also the Tough Mudder page. My mother proceeded to share pictures as well, talking about the “fairy tale” wedding my sister would have. My aunt shouted out congratulations to my sister on her own wall. From all this, our childhood pictures were posted by a cousin to express her excitement of “dressing up” with us again. On and on and on…
I sat in the background, silent on Facebook. I couldn’t help but give to the voices in my head that asked why our engagement was less important. Was it because I was married before, or was Quentin required to make a big deal out of the event? Was I expected to brag about it and make album after album to gain attention? I guess so.
We live in an era where being full of yourself encourages pats on the back. People are expected to brag, gloat, and make a big deal out of themselves and their situations. From that, we have become an extremely entitled species. I hope to be one of the select few who does not end up that way, and I hope that my children do not get sucked into this nasty part of society either. I remain proud of my values and how far I have come in my life, and I do not need Facebook to validate that for me.


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