10 Things My Kids Should Know About Me as a Person, Not as a Mom

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  1. Writing is the best means of communication for me.  If I can put tangible words onto a piece of paper, a computer screen, etc.  They have realistic value.  I find these to be my most prized possessions, as I record much of my life in words.
  2. I am hard on myself.  The world sucks, and I get sucked into its suckiness.  I feel the competition, though I strive to not have a single part in its gravity.  As a result, I analyze everything that I do and am constantly trying my darndest to improve every aspect that I can.  It’s exhausting.
  3. I love to cook.  I also like to eat, but I take more joy in forming foods out of random ingredients to see what they do in combination.  I feel happy in the kitchen, as each new recipe is a challenge.
  4. Randomness is my goal in life.  I love difference and fight to keep myself in this box that we live in.  Though we all crave acceptance at some point in time, it is my differences that keep me content.
  5. I love pretty much all animals.  I could see a human suffering and turn my head, but an animal in the same situation breaks my heart.  I’ve always felt that empathy for animals should be a given thing, as I cannot turn this feeling off.  There is something about creatures of a differing species that I feel I need my voice to be heard for.  It’s something I will never shake.
  6. I have experienced life in ways that most never will.  I have gone through crazy situations, made insane leaps of faith, and survived them all so far.  Please, always know that your mom fought more than most could dream of…no matter what the outcome may be.
  7. I have dreams of my own.  Some have flown away, and some never will. The need to hold onto a passion never leaves us, and I hope that you will follow whatever you feel you need to pursue.
  8. I once was wild.  I kissed girls, did the drinking and drug scene, got naked, and partied.  I was a teenager just like you will someday be….but I traded those times in for a life of stability.  You need that as you get older.  I will never be that person to hold you away from those moments, but I want you to remember this: Record all the memories; cherish all the crazy moments; and realize when they need to stop.  These times will always be a part of yourself, but don’t make them your lifetime.
  9. I have these odd rules for everything that I feel I need to follow.  Call it OCD, Type-A personality…I don’t know. These rules add structure to my crazy life and make it seem more viable.  If I have a set plan for every little thing that I do, I feel okay.  No matter how stressful the situation gets, I have a plan.
  10. I have a hell of a time filling out 10 items about myself that do not include mommy hood.  The truth is, my entire life revolves around you two and Dad.  I haven’t known who I am or could be for so long that I have adapted myself to your own lives in order to feel some form of fulfillment.  So, let’s write this as what it really comes down to: I am a mom, but I was someone before that.  That someone never had a chance.  Life and its horrible twists got in the way and made me step up my role to the point where I am not allowed to be my own person anymore.  I strive to make your lives the best, and I hope that you see that in the end.  I spend each and every day thinking of ways to build your lives up so that you don’t end up in the same situations that I had to.  I hope that I did a good enough job.  And, I hope that someday you do see my as more than just “Mom…”460264_10152459091273096_6541640923365013740_o
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