This is Me Screaming

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Staring at an empty screen, with eyes that are glossy and a soul that is throbbing–I knock back the drink in my hand in silence.

This is me screaming.

We go to bed…Well, I stay on the couch. You encourage me to follow you.  I roll over.

This is me screaming.

I get up, time and time again to wander an empty house without a sound. I grasp for an understanding, a purpose.

This is me screaming.

Tears pour down my cheeks, as I pace to wind down the thrum of terrors that play like a movie inside my head.

This is me screaming.

I finally walk the steps to the bedroom we should be sharing and stare into the darkness at your blanketed figure. I try words, but my mouth won’t move.  I am frozen where I stand, taking on the damage around me.

I force myself to turn and take the stairs back to the cycle that awaits me each and every night.

This is me screaming…and you still fell asleep.

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