All posts by wifeofwoody

Let the SINNERS Lead the Way

This post is bound to cause a stir, which only means that my writing is serving the purpose that it was always meant to have: to shatter the black and white, leap out of the box, and scream out to your soul.  You have two choices in the matter:  You can continue to read, gritting your teeth at what’s to come.  Or, you can stop.  Eyes to the floor, like the sheep that you were scolded to be.  Your call.  Oh, you’re still here?  Well, then, friend.  It’s too late to dip your toes in the water.  Time to jump in…

Religion has dominated society for ages, presenting itself in a variety of forms that all claim to hold the truth to our existence.  From its churches, ritualistic traditions, regulations, and verses, followers are guided through their lives.  That was always the purpose, right?  Lost in a formidable world and clinging to whatever life preserver we think can hold us up.  You have some that use the lifeline as needed, praying to a higher power when in duress.  And, then you have those that go balls-deep in their beliefs and spend the rest of their lives trying to prove something to an invisible being.

The fact is, religion is often revered—its followers often placed on a coveted platform over the other mere mortals.  I was not from a churchgoing family, but it was clear that the fear instilled in the practice was not lost upon my parents.  They would describe someone as coming from a “religious family” as if they were untouchable, superior human beings.  The best that I can gather is that the expectation is there to withhold all of the high moral standards that religion boasts. But, nothing could be further from the truth.  Even as a child, I saw these people to be much more flawed than our own family.  It was like Halloween, all year long.  These people wore masks of faith, hiding from responsibilities, truth, and general reality.  They were a joke, but I was told to hold my tongue from its pressing laughter at the pun that was their lives.

Sure, I considered religion.  I went through every possibility in my head, even played the grotesque game for a while.  I’m honestly ashamed that I was married in a church.  Twice.  It all felt forced and fake.  Bowing my head made me feel like a scorned child, struggling to grasp the reasons for trivial societal expectations.  I couldn’t live believing such bullshit.  We’re here to live, but not to live?  Why in the fuck would we be placed on this Earth just to follow a set of rules and regulations that condone our very instincts and then beg forgiveness for our inevitable downfall?  Oh, and in between…We should spend our free time reminding ourselves how insignificant we are to this superior being presiding over us and thanking him profusely for everything that comes to mind?  No thank you.

I choose LIFE.  Unapologetic, reckless, chaotic, and memorable life.  How many days are lost to those who bow to their knees to soothe an imaginary guilt that has been bestowed upon them by their religion?  How many years?  While you’re in church, following the dress code of the lord, and speaking in hushed tone so as not to disrupt the sacred world of prayer…Do you realize what you’re missing?

Sinners, we’re referred as.  I’ll take it.  I’ll wrap my arms right around your label as I spend a Sunday morning romping around in bed with my lover, after a drunken night out with friends.  That’s right—Slutty clothes, tequila shots, trash talk, and dirty dancing.  I’ll embrace it, and I’ll wake up the next morning without a single regret.  And, you know what?  I’ll take the family life too.  We’ll go on vacations, play outside, and have countless home-cooked meals.  But, my children won’t have a bible shoved in their faces.  They won’t be lied to and threatened with hellfire.  My kids will be told how the world really is. Beautiful, and tarnished.  They’ll be taught that mistakes are made, and learning from them holds much more promise than dropping to your knees.

You see, I’ve tried to live life perfectly.  And, there is no joy in that existence.  I love my family, and I love my crazy.  And, I need every aspect of that all thrown into this short time I will impact this world.  With my kids’ milestones, I want the tattoos. With the school events and cute crafts, I want the bands and barhopping.  It’s about balance, and I have found my true self through discovering that I could be everything that I need to be, without apologies.

So, hide behind your bibles.  Button up that dress to the neck, and swallow those curse words. I’d like to say that we’re all the same, but that’s just not the case.  Us Sinners have found strength in a domineering world to allow ourselves to be complete, and the broken lay in church on Sundays.  And, in the end, you won’t have much to show for it.  No divine human being will save you from that cold grave, and regret won’t bring you back.  You can choose to follow God, amidst your fear of what’s to come.  Or, you can free yourself of the negativity and learn who you are.  Don’t know where to start?  Let the SINNERS lead the way…

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Hugging My Damage

This morning is hard.

And, I have a feeling that the day will follow its murky footsteps.

Because, some moments have the ability to hurt you for (what seems to be) an eternity.

Making some breaths excruciating,

And alertness futile.

Sometimes, the strength needed to so much as exist is so much work that it’s exhausting.

I hate waking up.

Yet, I can’t bring myself to do something as simple as sleep.

I’ve forgotten how to be a person anymore

Because I lost all the structured pieces that built me.

Falling apart happens so slowly, yet so suddenly.

It’s that one person, one moment, that breaks you in two.

But, you won’t recognize the true scope of the damage until years down the road.

And, that moment…That person—

Is already gone.

What’ll really fuck with you is how, each day of your life,

You’ll feel like it’s not the way that it’s supposed to be.

It’s like wearing a mask that you can never remove for air.

Life around you doesn’t stop.

But, you did inside.  So long ago.

So you just…exist.

You can’t fathom why,

And the answer could never be enough.

But you know that it still hasn’t stopped on its own.

And, in this realization comes an understanding.

For, the only ones who speak are the same found with cuts to the wrist or a pill bottle in hand.

And, you…

You can’t even come out of that damn mask so that everyone can see who you are.

Your existence is nothing but a flimsy, cardboard box.

A rotting, ugly shell encasing your soul.

No solid structure.  No security.

Just tape and paper, caging your storm.

And, why is that enough?

Because my story would die right along with me,

Crumbling those last pieces of my soul.

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Black Bean Hummus

  • 1 (15 oz.) can black beans, drained
  • 2 tbsps. olive oil
  • 1 tbsp. lemon juice
  • 1 tbsp. white wine vinegar
  • ¼ tsp. salt
  • ½ tsp. cumin
  • 1 tsp. onion powder
  • ¼ tsp. chili powder
  • 1 ½ tsps. minced garlic
  • Chopped avocado, for garnish (optional)

Mix together all ingredients in a food processor.  Garnish w/ avocado, if desired.

Pecan-Crusted Dijon Salmon

  • 4 sm. salmon fillets
  • fish seasoning
  • 4 tbsps. finely chopped pecans
  • 4 tbsps. Dijon mustard
  • 4 tsps. mayo

Preheat oven to 425º.  Place salmon on a non-stick aluminum foil-lined baking sheet.  Add fish seasoning, as desired.  Mix together mayo and mustard, and spread onto fish.  Top w/ pecans, and cook 10-12 min. (until flaky).