This is Me Screaming


Staring at an empty screen, with eyes that are glossy and a soul that is throbbing–I knock back the drink in my hand in silence.

This is me screaming.

We go to bed…Well, I stay on the couch. You encourage me to follow you.  I roll over.

This is me screaming.

I get up, time and time again to wander an empty house without a sound. I grasp for an understanding, a purpose.

This is me screaming.

Tears pour down my cheeks, as I pace to wind down the thrum of terrors that play like a movie inside my head.

This is me screaming.

I finally walk the steps to the bedroom we should be sharing and stare into the darkness at your blanketed figure. I try words, but my mouth won’t move.  I am frozen where I stand, taking on the damage around me.

I force myself to turn and take the stairs back to the cycle that awaits me each and every night.

This is me screaming…and you still fell asleep.


30 Pieces of Me

  1. The only meat I will eat is seafood; it doesn’t technically make me a vegetarian, but it is the only type of creature I do not feel guilty for eating.
  2. I set rules for every little thing that I do, in order to feel that I have some control over what happens to me.
  3. I have Celiac Disease and have been living the gluten free lifestyle since 2008.
  4. Pictures are my obsession, as they freeze moments in time.
  5. Writing is my favorite outlet, and I will lash out at anyone who tries to sensor my written thoughts.
  6. I have a passion for animal rights and tend to sympathize much more for animals than people.
  7. My favorite color is black because it is simple and classic…not because I am Goth.
  8. I got married on my 23rd birthday, as a way to mesh two celebrations into one.
  9. My hair is like a lion mane so I often pull it up, though I realize it looks much better down and straight.
  10. I am a whopping 5 foot tall, which means that my children will most likely tower over me sooner than later.
  11. I only feel comfortable driving small cars, and “comfortable” still would be defined as very limited traveling in a non-highway setting.
  12. My weight fluctuates all the time with no rhyme or reason.
  13. Our house is located in a tiny town out in the woods, and I couldn’t be happier with the setting.
  14. I love to cook and try new recipes.
  15. My taste in music screams random.
  16. I wake up at 4:30AM every day of my life, just to keep a routine and not feel lazy.
  17. My views on religion are quite open: I question if there is a God; absolutely believe in ghosts; and also entertain the idea of reincarnation.
  18. I don’t know what I would do without multi-tasking; my mind runs a mile a minute constantly, and I find that I need to keep it grounded by overloading myself.
  19. I am bisexual, though I am married to a man.
  20. Pinterest is the manual to my life.
  21. I clean constantly and am a bit of a germophobe.
  22. I find myself drawn to pretty much everything that is unique or exotic.
  23. I would much rather be inside than out.
  24. I had C-sections for both of my kids, as a result of their sizes.
  25. I have a Bachelor in Criminal Justice, though I am a stay-at-home mom.
  26. My number one pet peeve is lying; we were not given the power of speech for deception.
  27. Though I am not one to keep my mouth shut about others, I am hardest on myself.
  28. Though I feel good dressing up and taking time on myself, I am a sucker for comfort.
  29. I have been through things by this age that some will not even compare to in a lifetime.
  30. I revolve my life around our family, and I cannot imagine the day that the kids grow up.